This past week in a group chat we agreed to post pictures of the sky or our view at different times of the day. three or four people from the group live in British Columbia so their pictures were of mountains and sunsets, mountains and water with evergreen trees lining the water and beautiful night skies where you could actually SEE the stars!

I, on the other hand live in Ontario. The southern most part of the province which is very flat and I often joke that you can watch your dog run away for weeks. Sure I could drive 20 – 30 minutes to see some water but that is not the same as those who live right on the water.

But an interesting point was made. On one hand I can see why people who leave Ontario for BC never come back because if its beauty. The sunsetting behind the mountains and reflecting on the lake is amazing. However once the sun sinks below the lowest point of the mountain (which is not near ground level) they do not get to watch the sun sink until it disappears to the other side of the world. So on the other hand living in flat places also has different or unique aspects as well that I didn’t think of before. I can easily look out my back porch and watch the sun set. The only obstacle in the way is the fence at the back of the yard. Ultimately that certainly does extend the length of viewing time.

So perhaps the lesson is that we can truly find beauty everywhere if we just pause to be grateful for where we are NOW instead of wishing we were somewhere else.

Be right here, right now.

~ Unknown

A few months ago a few of us in a Mentorship Group took turns giving challenges to the others. When it was Kyle’s turn he created different journal prompts for each day as well as a few other things to try adding to your day like apple cider vinegar first thing in the morning.

One of the journal prompts that stuck out the most to me was, Introduce Yourself to Yourself. This felt pretty hard to write about myself but of course I did it.

Today I was reminded of this exercise and I encourage you to try the same thing. But, as I thought about this today I now could add to the exercise by adding a few other questions or prompts…

Think of a time when you weren’t showing up for yourself. If you could see that other what would you say to help that version of yourself?

Think of a time when you were struggling or perhaps you weren’t able to acknowledge all the great things you were doing. What would you say to that version of yourself?

Healing from situations looks like many different things, has many layers and its never the same for two people. This comes as an important reminder then to be patient and extend yourself the same amount of love you would give someone else.

If you are feeling stuck with a situation or story that seems to linger take some time to ask yourself and answer these three questions. It doesn’t have to be all at once. Take some time to reflect upon what you would say to a friend and then see if you can show up for yourself and do the same.

Be still. The quieter you become, the more you can hear.

~ Ram Dass

O Canada! Our home and native land.

True patriot love, in all thy sons command.

With glowing hearts, we see thee rise

The true north strong and free!

From far and wide, O Canada

We stand on guard for thee

God keep our land, glorious and free

O Canada, we stand on guard for Thee!

O Canada!

We Stand On Guard For Thee

Big things happening in Canada today. Yesterday felt heavy and today feels like finished the day strong and on a positive note. I pray that things continue to remain peaceful.

Having connections is so important. I don’t mean just all the people in your life. Because while you may be connected to them having connections is another level.

I do a one on one mentorship program with someone. His name is Brian. Through Brian I am now connected to a group and we meet virtually every two weeks. This group offers us a safe place to share, be vulnerable and talk about things that we observe about ourselves, others, along with our struggles.

It is a unique dynamic. And it is really amazing to be able to create relationships and feel a connection with people you haven’t met in person. On our last call, the importance of have this kind of support became even more apparent for me for a few reasons.

First, I tend to be somewhat private or secretive (so my dad tells me) but it’s not because I’m hiding anything. It really comes down to the fact that I don’t feel like sharing plans if my intuition tells me the idea will not be understood or poo poohed. I also don’t see the need in asking for directions from people who don’t know how to get where I want to go. I suppose this doesn’t necessarily mean I have to keep so quiet but in the end I don’t feel like many spaces are open enough for me to speak or share freely, so I don’t.

The second reason is that I often find myself in a position of listening and/or giving advice or guidance to others. So when I am constantly giving I have sometimes found myself a bit alone because there’s not always someone there for me.

Knowing who your support team or group or friend is super important. It’s important to be able to talk, vent, or work through ideas and it’s also equally beneficial to have someone who can listen without judgement but also offer different points of view or ideas that add value to you. Overall this leads to not only better relationships but also personal growth as you give and receive with others.

Depth of friendship does not depend on length of acquaintance

~ Rabindranath Taqore

You could never know what it’s like

Your blood like winter freezes just like ice

And there’s a cold lonely light that shines from you

You’ll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use

And did you think this fool could never win?

Well look at me, I’m coming back again

I got a taste of love in a simple way

And if you need to know while I’m still standing you just fade away

Don’t you know I’m still standing better than I ever

Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid

I’m still standing after all this time

Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I’m still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah

I’m still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah

Once I never could hope to win

You starting down the road leaving me again

The threats you made were meant to cut me down

And if our live was just a circus you’d be a clown by now

Don’t you know I’m still standing better than I ever did

Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid

I’m still standing after all this time

Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I’m still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah

I’m still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah

~ Elton John

What is your STORY?

What is the story that you tell yourself? What is the story that you go along with but have never agreed with? What is the story that has ultimately left you stuck OR it has changed the trajectory of your life and you just cannot see IT for what it is?

We all have a story. If you don’t have a story one might ask if you are really living or perhaps you are just unwilling to look closer at yourself. I think what is very intriguing is not just the story in itself but what the outcome has been or how the person has navigated the story of their life.

I have a story. But my story seems to only focus on this one experience. It definitely changed my life and while I know it is for the better I haven’t FELT that better part yet. So perhaps that’s why I still struggle. It’s like I am waiting for this better thing to happen or come into my life so I can truly feel like I have moved forward or start a new story. Instead I feel lost.

The details of the story are really irrelevant at this point in time. I think that once the experience is over the details will always be somewhat irrelevant. Mainly because, it’s over. What is important or relevant though is how you move forward with your story. How do you tell the story to another person? Do you feel grief or anger still? Do you feel betrayed or want forgiveness?

I know that it has taken me a lot longer than I would have liked to move forward from my story. However, I suppose that if I would have had the proper tools or guidance I could have started the healing process quicker. But there, in itself is I suppose part of the process. You have to WANT to do it because looking at things in new ways makes you relive some parts or accept aspects that maybe you didn’t see before. So the healing process can be painful.

I think that the further away I move from the experience the better I feel for two reasons. First time does heal all wounds. It doesn’t negate or take away the feelings that I had during the experience, but now I can view everything from a more neutral standpoint. Secondly I have worked at processing and dealing with so many aspects that I am less emotional now when I think or talk about it. That feels good and empowering because it feels like ME again.

The last aspect that has come to my attention was the idea that maybe the healing had to happen in a certain way. Like peeling layers of an onion. You cannot peel three layers down, you have to start with the first layer and then slowly get to the next. And although it didn’t happen the way I wanted or nearly as fast it IS happening and continues to happen.

It is not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.

~ Epictetus

People believe themselves to be dependant on what happens for their happiness, that is to say, dependant on form. They don’t realize that what happens is the most unstable thing in the universe. It changes constantly. They look upon the present moment as either marred by something that has happened and shouldn’t have or deficient because of something that has not happened but should have. And so they miss the deeper perfection that is inherent on life itself, a perfection that is already here, that lies beyond what is happening or not happening beyond form.

Accept the present moment and find perfection that is deeper than any form and untouched by time.

~ Eckhart Tolle

In January people all over the world make new year resolutions. The percentage of people that keeps these is likely vey low. There are, in my opinion two reasons for this. One is motivation which I have previously written about. But to quickly recap if we start out on a high and have lots of motivation we are unable to sustain that feeling forever and when it drops we lose not only the motivation but also the momentum we had. Those two seem to go hand in hand. You can have low motivation but if you start with eve the smallest of actions this creates momentum. As momentum builds you can bring back motivation. Since motivation is not always present consistency really is the key to long term success or achieving one’s goals.

The second reason we fail at our New Years resolution is because the moment we have one slip up we quit. We miss one gym session on a Wednesday morning and instead of reflecting on the reasons for this we allow ourselves to be derailed and next thing you know we miss Thursday and Friday too. Now we’ve screwed things up and we think to ourselves Fuck It. Might as well eat like crap on the weekend too. The next week comes and the wheels have come off completely and there goes all the hard work we had put in.

Instead of just quitting and giving up maybe we should take a look at our resolution or commitment and reevaluate it. I don’t mean change it to make it easier. I do mean adjust it if need be in order to stay on track. Let’s use the gym example where things are going good until you miss that one Wednesday. Why did you miss? Did you have a busy weekend, feeling run down and now here you are mid week and you are tired? Instead of tossing all your time as well as your new good habits down the drain couldn’t you just give yourself some grace, get the rest you need and keep moving forward?

Here is exactly a good point to take a look at what is working and what isn’t working. Did you choose a time that is difficult for you to get to the gym? Would another time work better? Does your commitment to fitness need to ONLY include the gym or could you be flexible when needed by going for a walk, doing an activity with your family or something on the weekend? Also consider that if fitness is a goal then wellness also needs to be a part of that so where is the balance. Saying your are going to the gym five days a week but then at the expense of being run down or getting sick isn’t exactly accomplishing any fitness goals either. So again, I am not suggesting to make the goal easier but rather make it more realistic or enjoyable or attainable.

Now here is a personal example. On my birthday I decided that I would write a blog post every day for one year. The only reason for not writing would be if I was sick or in a place where I had no internet. The next day I made my post and felt good. Then the next and so on….until one night came and it was very late and I was very tired. I went to bed. The next day I did two posts. Yesterday the same thing happened and dammit now that’s twice. I could be mad at myself and give up, saying this was a stupid idea as though it was the ideas fault and not my own. OR, I could say to myself “Hey, you’re writing too late. It’s a good goal and challenge to write daily but leaving it until bedtime is just too late”.

Bottom line the challenge I gave myself isn’t too hard. But I din’t know what writing everyday would feel like. Now that I have a few weeks under my belt and have started to develop this new habit I can see that the problem isn’t the task itself, the issue is the time in which I’ve been doing it. Currently its 10:30 pm so I’m proving my point. I won’t quit, but tomorrow I will readjust my sails and find a new time.

Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence

~ Vince Lombardi

The founder of the martial art of Aikido was fond of using the term Agatsu, “self victory”. According to the founder, true victory (MASAKATSU) is the victory ne achieves over oneself (AGATSU). Thus one of the founder’s slogans was:

MASAKATSU AGATSU “The true victory of self mastery”

When the founder spoke of Masakatsu Agatsu he was speaking about more than just victory in combat. This concept is far reaching and is less about controlling the opponent and more about personal development and skill. Victory is not the conquering of an opponent but the mastery of self.

Yesterdays post seemed to be perfectly timed with a conversation that I had with a friend. She called to tell me some upsetting news. Although she didn’t really have many answers or details one thing became apparent to me. It’s easy to see how decisions can be made from an emotional state and they may not be the ones a person would have made had they taken a bit more time to let dust settle or to reflect on their situation.

This got me thinking further and specifically about two phrases that I find hard to swallow. Even though I know they are so true.

1 – This is happening FOR you and not TO you. While this statement may be hard to accept changing your frame of mind about your situation is the difference between empowering yourself and taking a look at what you can learn OR being a victim.

2 – Everything happens the way it’s supposed to happen. How do you know it’s supposed to happen that way? Because it DID. Ohhhh I have struggled with this one. It is especially difficult to work through this as you are navigating the situation or shit storm versus looking back and saying, okay yeah I get it now.

Both of these examples are wonderful opportunities to look in the mirror and dig deep, asking yourself some hard questions. What is the lesson for you to learn? Maybe there is more than one. What did you learn ab out yourself or the other person/people involved? Were you really being true to yourself before? Were you being honest with yourself? Was this situation given to you as a catalyst for the thing you are meant to be doing?

Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in the immediate trauma or grief of a situation that instead of just looking it in the face, acknowledging it and moving forward we end up dragging it along, weighing us down. We carry this baggage like an invisible cloak. We repeat the same patterns, or we don’t.

Someone said to Voltaire, “Life is hard.” Voltaire replied, “Compared to what?”