It occurred to me a week or so ago that the end of the year was creeping up on me and as I reflected upon this I had the realization that I had not yet accomplished my goals for 2022. It wasn’t just that I hadn’t reached them but more that I woke up to the fact that I hadn’t really, truly and honestly worked hard enough on them to make some traction – create some momentum and get the train moving. I was reminded of a quote “Don’t be disappointed my the results you didn’t get from the work you didn’t do”.

And so, on that note I decided to make some changes. They might be super small and almost seem insignificant on their own but over time they will produce results. This really got me thinking about the idea of stacking tiny little things to your day and what that could like when it accumulates say at the end of the year. After 98 days.

Just imagine that on Day 1 (or 98 as we countdown) you woke up and took three deep inhales and exhales before you got off the bed. Let’s face it you probably sit there for a moment anyhow after turning off the alarm so it’s not actually taking any more time.

Day 2 you would take you three breaths and then have a glass of water before coffee.

Day 3 – Three breaths, glass of water, piece of fruit with breakfast.

Day 4 – Three breaths, glass of water, fruit, coffee in silence (meaning no scrolling on a phone or laptop)

Day 5 – Three breaths, glass of water, fruit, coffee w/no social media, walk 5-10 minutes after dinner.

Now overall the point of this is to be adding something of value to what you are already doing. It’s so easy for people to say they don’t have time. Or they decide to make a huge overhaul and ultimately they change so many things at once that it becomes too overwhelming and difficult to sustain. With this idea we can easily and subtly add or subtract things from our day which take no extra time or effort. Let’s fast forward 90 days and see what this could look like….

It’s New Year’s Eve and you wake feeling great. Yes its been busy over the last few weeks but you have managed to be consistent and stick to all almost all your new adaptations because they were so easy and you slowly did it. You knew walking for 5-10 minutes was far better than zero minutes and many times you actually walked longer. You realize that over this last period you move better, feel better, sleep better and are even down a few pounds. You wake and take three expansive inhales and exhales on the side of your bed. You know that you are a different person now. It slowly happened, but it happened none the less. You are not in the same spot as you were three months ago. You have made a TRANSFORMATION!!!

You were going to have coffee anyhow. You had to drive to work anyways. But how we choose to do each task could be the difference between being more productive and intentional or just repeating the same patterns. Instead of choosing autopilot you chose conscious creating.

Congratulations, and welcome to the new version of YOU!

Over the past few days there seems to be a recurring theme. Not just for me but for others around me.

Growth is often uncomfortable. And I suppose that makes sense. Think of the caterpillar making its cocoon and then coming out…slowly spreading the new wings. It is truly an amazing process. Not really unlike our own processes of growth.

It is hard enough to make change, grow, have patience with yourself and keep moving forward. It’s quite another thing though to realize that while you are working at all of this, others are not. They are not interested in looking within. They are not willing to look in the mirror and take accountability for their actions, their part and the consequences from their choices.

This can be extremely frustrating (in my experience) because it will seem like you finally come to a point where you notice your own personal improvements and behaviour changes and then BooM you are faced with a situation where you now need to go beyond your current bandwidth because someone else cannot go beyond theirs. It’s like you want to stomp and say ‘Why am I the one that has to change? Why can’t they?’

And THAT, right there in that moment is when growth happens. The moment you see it happening in real time and can choose your next step, or response or how to navigate the current situation. It is not easy. It is not always comfortable. But when you become aware of your situation, surroundings and what is happening you cannot just suddenly be unaware anymore. You are now awake. You have grown.

A happy life consists not in the absence but the mastery of hardships.

~ Hellen Keller

On Thursday, March 3 I lost my beautiful Max. He was 10.5 years old.

I really could not have been less prepared for this. Not that I think we can ever BE prepared to lose our pet/s but considering all the other times that he had been sick – I just didn’t see this one coming.

If I am being honest with myself I have known for over a year that he had gotten fussy with eating. He acted excited. He started to eat but then always walked away. If I moved his food to a new spot he would continue eating. Sometimes I moved it a third time.

I realize that this really was catering to him and without knowing or intentionally doing it, everything came to revolve around Max. One might say I should have offered it once and then pulled away if he walked away. After all an animal will eat when it is hungry right? Although I knew that to be true, two things can be true at the same time. And I also knew something was off and it didn’t matter how many times I pulled the food away he kept doing the same thing. It’s like he needed a break or wanted to eat slower.

I could tell there was a change and it wasn’t just being a spoiled cat. It was something going on that we could never quite put our finger on….until it was too late.

The days leading up to Max’s last day really had been a repeat of history for us. He started off by getting sick one night after eating. Then he did not eat Friday or Saturday. I considered taking him to the Vet on Saturday morning but knew they would do nothing because at that point he had only gone one day without eating. It wasn’t completely unusual for Max to do this. So I waited out the weekend.

He did not eat.

By Monday I was concerned because now it had been three full days of no eating and vomitting many times. They gave him fluids and an antibiotic injection. He seemed to perk up a tiny bit. I admit that I had no inclination that he would not pull through this. He went back to the Vet on Tuesday and again on Wednesday. That day they did bloodwork and checked his creatinine levels.

And that’s when I knew he wouldn’t make it. Normal levels of creatinine for a kitty are between 71 and 212. Max was well over 500. We had been down this road before but he was not this high. I knew he would not make it. This was our end.

It seems strange how time seems to go faster once there is a diagnosis and Max deteriorated throughout the day. He barely moved. His strength was gone.

I cried and prayed that night that he would just fall asleep and go. But his little heart kept beating and he kept breathing. The next morning we went back to the Vet and I said goodbye. He slipped away so quickly.

It has been one month today. I still feel broken hearted and I am still crying. He wasn’t just woven into the fabric of my life, he was the fabric. Everything really revolved around Max. I loved him so much.

I love him still.

How can you mend a broken heart? How can you stop the rain from falling down? How can you stop, the sun from shining? What makes the world go round? How can you mend, this broken man? How can a loser ever win? Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again….

~ The BeeGee’s

Wow….life really is full of twists and turns.

I made a commitment to myself at my birthday that I would write every day. That hasn’t happened.

Is it disappointing? Yes, somewhat.

Am I disappointed in MYself? NO. I am not.

Here’s why….

I don’t like the idea of waiting for a certain date to start a new thing. You can start today. Yes, I get it that sometimes there is some planning involved that needs to be done but overall I am not a fan or advocate of wanting to do something in October but waiting until “the new year”. I am also not a fan of the statement “I fell off the wagon” because this to me indicates that someone or something else is in control of you when in FACT we have control over ourselves. You had a piece of cake or a cheat meal or vacation. You didn’t fall off anything, it’s called LIFE. It’s important to keep moving forward, keep trying, keep building consistency. So that eventually we have more days stacked up completing or accomplishing the “thing” we set out to do. Stacking wins instead of losses. Ultimately it’s not quitting, it’s continual work even slow progress on our own selves.

What started out as a few low days turned into other life issues began with the very big loss of my fur baby Max. He was ten and a half years old. Then I became aware of some tech issues as I realized that I accidentally created a second website and all my new blogs were being posted on the new site. Which I did not want. I had to amalgamate the two and delete the domain I did not want. This was not done on my own, I had to email WordPress and thankfully they were very helpful!

Anyhow…I’m back in the saddle and instead of getting down on myself and quitting I am moving forward.

Fall down 7 times, Stand up 8

~ Japanese Proverb

Uggghhhh the last few days…okay actually the last week has just felt very heavy. With all the political shit storms happening, the uncertainty about where we are headed and to top it off I have had some reactions or an outward physical sensitivity to something. I cannot put my finger exactly on what it is but coffee is suspect…

Through this frustrating period I have tried to maintain my most important routines. Every morning I clear the lymph system in the body and then do some twisting and jumping followed by breath work. And every time I close my eyes to do the breath work I can see some visions of mala necklaces that I have long been wanting to make.

While I have yet to learn how to do this I did take the steps to start looking at the beads I would like to use. There are also other steps that I need to look into and learn, like how to drill out hard stones or crystals. But one thing at a time. I am planning this out because I am hoping to visit a friend in the next few days and as I go on this little road trip I will make a stop or two at the bead shops instead of ordering online.

Ahhh okay but let’s get to the point. The point I guess is this – go in the direction that feels good. Do what inspires you and brings joy. While I have deeply felt these troubling times, and I switch from worry to looking ahead I realize that nothing is more important than THIS moment. Right here. Right now.

I may not know all the answers for myself like where I am going or how I am to get where I’d like to be. But I do know that I can only get there one day at a time and to TRULY get there means being ME. Letting my true self shine.

Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid of standing still.

~ Chinese Proverb

Essential Teachings

The success of our lives an our future depends on our motivation and determination or self confidence. Through difficult experiences, life sometimes becomes more meaningful. If you look at people who, from the beginning of their lives, have had everything, you may see that when small things happen they soon lose hope or grow irritated. Others have developed stronger mental attitudes as a result of their hardships.

~

I think the person who has had more experience of hardships can stand more firmly in the face of problems than the person who has never experienced suffering. From this angle then, some suffering can be a good lesson for life.

~ HIS HOLINESS THE DALAI LAMA

The last few days have been tough. There is a heaviness everywhere AND it was a full moon.

On one hand I could be disappointed in myself that I, yet again missed a few posts. I know I made a commitment to myself, however I also couldn’t force how some things might go and then further acknowledge the fact that sometimes there’s just nothing to say.

That’s how I felt these past few days…

Friday a huge police presence descended upon Ottawa and started moving people and blocking off streets. Horses were brought in and trampled people. There were snipers on rooftops. Every officer was dressed in full tactical gear, many even wearing helmets, eye protection or gas masks and ear protection. It was unbelievable to see. It wasn’t a good day.

Saturday was worse. I saw police use some type of gas on people as they pushed the crowd together. Trucks were towed away and the streets cleared. I saw one reporter get hit with something that was painful and felt like it was boring her skin. Police held their line all the while peaceful protestors continued to gather, sing O Canada, yell FREEDOM, and recite the oath that police officers took to them.

By Sunday morning there was very little left however police had now blocked many streets off and even people that live downtown Ottawa had difficulty leaving their buildings to take their dog for a walk and come back.

Police have not upheld their oaths and are now violating their oaths as well as our Charter of Rights.

It’s been a sad few days. I needed some time to think. There are no clear answers other than it is extremely important to not let fear paralyze me.

At any given moment you have the power to say: this is not how the story is going to end.

~ Christine Mason Miller

Excerpt from: STAR WARS THE JEDI MIND – Secrets from the Force for Balance and Peace

Letting go of SHOULD

• Notice the next time you use the word “should” whether you think or say it.
• Question the source of the should. Why do you think you should or shouldn’t have done something or behaved in a certain way? What can or can’t be done to change it?
• Make a regular practice of observing when you use “should.” Investigating why you use it will help you be more susceptible to learning, rather than being stuck in old ways of thinking.

Luke has many preconceived ideas about how the galaxy works by the time he arrives on Dagobah. Yoda repeatedly advises Luke to clear his mind and trust the Force. It doesn’t really click for Luke until he sees the impossible – Yoda lifting Luke’s X-wing fro the swamp – with his own eyes.

Minds constantly measure everything against how we think things should be. But what is our source of this condition of should? Why that and not something else? Having preconceived ideas can block us from absorbing new information.

You must unlearn, what you have learned.

~ Yoda

Everything happens the way it’s supposed to happen. How do we know this? Because this is how it IS happening or how it happened.

READ THAT AGAIN.

This then is fact or actuality. It’s how nature works. This has nothing to do with feelings which only makes things muddy when we start to say something shouldn’t have happened or that it should have happened.

This really is separating our thoughts about a situation which in turn become feelings or emotions and viewing the situation for what it is.

It is very difficult to accept this concept when it is the loss of someone be it a death or the breaking of a friendship. It is not easy to accept when you get fired, or don’t get the job you wanted or you get a flat tire or lose your wallet.

However on the flip side we feel happy and grateful when things “work out” or they seem to “fall into place”. The concept cannot work only one way. We cannot say the stars are lining up for us only when something that we label as GOOD is happening and then magically the stars are not aligned when BAD things are happening?

Can we alter or change things? Well, we cannot go back in time and as far as I know we don’t know the future so what exactly are we altering. But each decision always has its own set of consequences or outcomes.

It happened that way because it was supposed to happen that way. How do we know? Because that’s what happened. Our feelings may wish otherwise or they may justify our outcome because it was pleasant to us. Our thoughts or feelings do not dictate what IS though. And this is why the concept cannot just work one way, which would only be the way we want and when we want.

It’s two sides of the same coin that we hold. One is easier to accept but it does not negate the other and the truth of what IS.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone you don’t know that well and you find yourself being more of who you REALLY are. Maybe because you know there is no judgement since they know nothing about you. Maybe you feel like you can let your guard down or just be how you want to be seen.

This then brings up some interesting thoughts or ideas. There is how we see ourselves, how others see us and how we want to be seen. Differentiating between these points are important as they are not at all the same.

A few years ago I went to the Power Athlete Symposium. It was in Austin, Texas. I flew from Toronto, Canada by myself and arrived at the event by myself not knowing a single soul. It was an incredible weekend and I met some really amazing people. I was in the middle of the hardest year of my life when I attended and I could even say it was the lowest point of my life. I felt like shit, I was exhausted, but I left feeling connected to new people in just one short weekend.

I have kept in touch with a few other these people. One thing that I notice is that while I may have met them at a point where I felt the most down I was still able to paint my own picture to them. Was it false? No not really, but I know that I often feel comfortable with strangers because I don’t have to pretend to be anything or anyone that I don’t want to be. So I would say that I paint or present my true self. Or more accurately I am able to be open and be how I want to be seen.

How we see ourselves is a bit like muddy water because I think it gets dirtied by the fact that we are making a story up of how we think others see us which then makes us see ourselves in an altered way. How others see us may not always be shared to us so it quite possibly could remain an unknown. And then how we want to be seen is, in my opinion difficult with people that have known us the longest because they are not always willing to see the growth, changes or new versions of ourselves. Sometimes they still see us as the old versions whereas a new person is seeing the HOW we want to be seen because we really don’t risk the judgement from them.

Today I was chatting with one of the guys that I met. He and his wife are expecting a baby so I was asking how is wife is feeling and when the baby is due. During our conversation I mentioned that I have been doing more writing and he commented that he didn’t know I liked writing. On one hand, how could he know when most of what we have in common is gym stuff, working out and coaching. On the other hand it was funny that I have no problem telling him that I have committed to writing a blog post every day for a year – yet am reluctant to share it with those in my daily life.

I don’t have a logical explanation for this other than I feel less inclined to share what I’m doing when I think someone isn’t that interested. I also am not seeking approval. I could say that this has probably always been an undiscovered passion and as I step into this new version of myself I suppose that I am aware not everyone will get it.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment”.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson